He wasn't as used to moving and projecting at the same time, and it took some concentration to lean into his touch, mouth moving in words that didn't quite make sense, eyes closed.
Confusion was easy enough to read, at least. Maybe they should practice this more often.
He brought back the memory of the most recent time it had happened, worst that should be innocuous, harmless, at worst amusing being spat out like belittling epithets. Warren, temper always too close to the surface when Devin wasn't around for too long, rising to the bait. Guilt and fear and shame underneath when he did, because he knew he was an easy mark. Too easy.
Rejection, not of the word or of his life or the life he was slowly building with Devin, but of the shrinking of it. The epithet. Rejecting the loathing and contempt behind it, being easy, being. something.
It wasn't that he was uncertain about himself. He'd tested himself and his attractions and eventually shrugged, deciding it didn't matter anyway. It was what it was. And being with Devin... and there, a thread of that wonder and almost glee again. Being with Devin made him want to bounce around and act like a complete idiot out of sheer joy.
But that didn't mean he'd turned into something else. Not like that, not in that way. He didn't want it to mean that. People grew and changed, but not like that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-08-17 11:17 pm (UTC)Confusion was easy enough to read, at least. Maybe they should practice this more often.
He brought back the memory of the most recent time it had happened, worst that should be innocuous, harmless, at worst amusing being spat out like belittling epithets. Warren, temper always too close to the surface when Devin wasn't around for too long, rising to the bait. Guilt and fear and shame underneath when he did, because he knew he was an easy mark. Too easy.
Rejection, not of the word or of his life or the life he was slowly building with Devin, but of the shrinking of it. The epithet. Rejecting the loathing and contempt behind it, being easy, being. something.
It wasn't that he was uncertain about himself. He'd tested himself and his attractions and eventually shrugged, deciding it didn't matter anyway. It was what it was. And being with Devin... and there, a thread of that wonder and almost glee again. Being with Devin made him want to bounce around and act like a complete idiot out of sheer joy.
But that didn't mean he'd turned into something else. Not like that, not in that way. He didn't want it to mean that. People grew and changed, but not like that.