It was a strange feeling, for the first time he understood the idea that one's heart could, in fact, break. It felt like that, a cracking in his chest, like there should be some kind of audible popping sound. There wasn't, though. At least he didn't think there was.
"I don't trust myself," he said quietly, then, looking down only long enough to blink a few times till he thought he could speak again without breaking. "And I don't know how to ... I shouldn't have done that. Any of that. This isn't fair, I shouldn't have ... led you on like that. Like..."
And now he knew what Devin was going to think, because he was thinking it himself. "Not led you to believe that it was just the night, or the magic, or the alcohol, or whatever." One hand slid up to his cheek again. "It's not that. It's not any of that. It's just... It's moments. It's too many times I've been thinking just how this would be, when I didn't expect to. Like in the park. Or earlier tonight. And now... but it wasn't right. Not now, it shouldn't have been."
He wasn't making sense. At all. Warren took a deep breath, looked down, looked back up at Devin's with a look that was scared for whole other reasons now, pleading for him to understand. "I shouldn't have started something I knew I couldn't finish. That I'd feel horrible about later. It's not fair to anyone. And especially not to you. If .. all this. It should have been just about us. Not about anything else."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-06-21 10:18 pm (UTC)"I don't trust myself," he said quietly, then, looking down only long enough to blink a few times till he thought he could speak again without breaking. "And I don't know how to ... I shouldn't have done that. Any of that. This isn't fair, I shouldn't have ... led you on like that. Like..."
And now he knew what Devin was going to think, because he was thinking it himself. "Not led you to believe that it was just the night, or the magic, or the alcohol, or whatever." One hand slid up to his cheek again. "It's not that. It's not any of that. It's just... It's moments. It's too many times I've been thinking just how this would be, when I didn't expect to. Like in the park. Or earlier tonight. And now... but it wasn't right. Not now, it shouldn't have been."
He wasn't making sense. At all. Warren took a deep breath, looked down, looked back up at Devin's with a look that was scared for whole other reasons now, pleading for him to understand. "I shouldn't have started something I knew I couldn't finish. That I'd feel horrible about later. It's not fair to anyone. And especially not to you. If .. all this. It should have been just about us. Not about anything else."