"I don't know what this is to you," Devin said with a touch of vehemence. of heat. "Not...not this part of it. I know we're friends. I know you care about me." He wanted to assure him of that. He did know that part.
"But this...the heat, the want, the feeling...I don't know what it means to you. What you want it to mean. What you want it to be. You keep telling me you're straight. You have a girlfriend. You're not into guys. You ask questions, curious, and I just...who better to satisfy your curiosity with than the friend you trust. But I don't know if that's what it is. Or if it's just me. What I do. And not something you consciously want, but that..." He shrugged, helplessly and he was not going to cry, but his voice was tight. "That I'm just...doing what I do and none of it is real."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-06-21 11:13 pm (UTC)"But this...the heat, the want, the feeling...I don't know what it means to you. What you want it to mean. What you want it to be. You keep telling me you're straight. You have a girlfriend. You're not into guys. You ask questions, curious, and I just...who better to satisfy your curiosity with than the friend you trust. But I don't know if that's what it is. Or if it's just me. What I do. And not something you consciously want, but that..." He shrugged, helplessly and he was not going to cry, but his voice was tight. "That I'm just...doing what I do and none of it is real."