Glass -- New York, Friday Night

[killingsoftly]

They'd given them a park facing room, which was more than Devin had hoped for. He brushed his fingers over the cool glass of the doors, then stepped outside on the balcony, letting the sounds of the city wash over him. He took a sip of whiskey, smiling to himself as he watched the warm early evening light warm the buildings and the tops of the trees. It was warm and the air conditioner in the room kicked on in protest of the open door, but he just let it run, listening to the sounds of Warren in the room behind him.

Even now, the heat from their little game still lingered, flushing his cheeks. The whiskey in the glass was cool, but not cool enough. He was cursing himself that they only had one bed, but when he'd booked the gig, and the room, he hadn't expected Warren to be coming. He figured he'd be pursuing his other gig while here, but then the invitation spilled out and here they were. He wasn't coming down off a high. He'd slept a lot the last few days. He'd been eating. He wasn't fragile and out of it, and sharing that bed was likely to test his resolve to the limit, especially after the teasing.

He wasn't likely to sleep much.

But he didn't want to push Warren. The flirtation was delightful. The game moreso, but he was the one who wanted it to be more than just a game, not Warren. He had to remember that part and not push, no matter if that "later" teased at his memory. He slid fingers over glass and imagined briefly it was skin, then pushed those thoughts away. He could behave.

"Our reservation's at six." He called back over his shoulder, straightening even as he kept his gaze fixed on the people scurrying below, drinking in the life of the City. "We should probably leave by 530. It's just around the corner, less than half a mile. Walk or cab?"

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin was nowhere near convinced it wasn't his magic, even if he hadn't been using it purposely. And he'd lost what "it" was somewhere between them. It had been happening for weeks, but what "it" was for Devin and what "it" was for Warren was still unclear.

He ventured a question, almost tentative, and if he hadn't been so on edge, he probably wouldn't have asked. "It's more than just physical?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren sighed heavily, almost explosively. He leaned back until he realized that there was really nothing supporting him but the bed, and that was pretty damn uncomfortable.

"Dev..."

He pushed his fingers through Devin's hair, thought for a minute, and then pulled back to stand up. His hand slid down Devin's arm, curling his fingers around Devin's, gently tugging and hoping he stood with him.

"No, it's not just physical. Which is why it's so confusing."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin stood when urged. To stay on the floor would just be childish and petty and not serve any purpose except to annoy Warren.

He nodded a little. Why he wanted Warren physically was easy to figure out for him, but the emotional component was confusing and distressing. It wasn't quite the same thing, but he could relate a little.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

He clambered onto the bed, scooting backwards, tugging Devin onto the bed with him. Until he could lean back against the pillows, half-sitting, half-stretched out.

His fingers slid over Devin's, softly caressing. For a moment or two he stared at the covers, at the pattern of creases.

"I haven't been thinking..." he started, then changed it. "I've kind of been avoiding thinking about what this is, beyond the physical," he said finally. "Beyond friendship. It... its' too big."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin settled next to him, facing him, seated cross-legged. He watched their hands, turning his palm up under Warren's.

"Yeah." Big and terrifying.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren didn't wince but he did keep his eyes down. His fingertips traced circles over Devin's palm for a moment.

"I don't.. I shouldn't be thinking. The things I've been thinking. Of doing."

His voice was tense. He turned to his side, facing Devin, ankles loosely crossed.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin tensed a little, wondering if they were just back to the physical or something else.

"Like what?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Like..." But Warren couldn't say it. Couldn't even remember it anymore. "Like..."

And it exploded. "Goddammit, Devin, I don't want to lose you, too!" He was on his back and his head must have hit the headboard or even the wall because it hurt now. And his eyes were shut tight because he wasn't going to. Something. It hurt.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin flinched a bit, staring down at him. His fingers curled around Warren's tight.

"You're not going to lose me. No matter if I...if I might want something you don't...I value your frienship above that. I don't want to lose it. But I also..I don't want to fuck up your life. Ruin things you want for something ... like whatever this is."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I can fuck up my life on my own," Warren muttered. "I'm doing a damn good job of that already."

But his hand clung to Devin's.

"I don't know what's going on. I don't ... I've never done this before. With you, you're reminding me I'm straight, yeah, I'm straight, and you know what, that means this just scares the hell out of me even more. I've been in love once, once in my entire life before, and it's fucking terrifying knowing that I'm probably going to fuck up my second chance. I'm turning my life upside down and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and..."

"... and you're scaring me, man. You're scaring me."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin stared at him, just a bit, processing some of that and feeling his chest constrict at what he wanted to believe Warren was saying, but didn't think he possibly could be saying.

He finally moved to stretch out next to Warren, slipping his arms around him tetatively.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean...I don't want to scare you. I just...I don't know what to do. What you need. What I can do to make it better. To make you happy."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what I'm doing," he muttered.

He leaned into Devin a bit after a second, wrapping his arms around Devin's and holding on.

"I keep fucking everything up."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"You haven't fucked anything up with me," Devin said softly, fingers stroking his hair gently.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" Warren looked over at him, eyes wide. Scared.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin nodded, a reassuring smile beyond him right now. He was just as scared. "Yeah."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Okay..." he breathed out. "Okay."

He leaned back against Devin, snuggling a little into him. Just for the reassurance, and fuck the guilt. There wasn't anything wrong with what they were doing and he was tired, scared, a little pissed off at himself, and felt like he was going to cry again.

"Thanks..." he whispered.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin snuggled back, relieved this at least hadn't been taken away. He stroked Warren's hair gently.

"It'll be all right. We'll figure something out..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren nodded a little, snuggling down into him, stretching back out on the bed and resting his head in the crook of Devin's neck.

"Okay," he murmured. And then, almost childlike. "Can we rewind the last hour to where we were tispy," He actually said tispy. "And just back from the theatre? I liked that a lot better."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin flinched, just a little. He didn't want to forget the taste and feel of Warren and it hurt a little that Warren wished he could erase it.

But he swallowed and tightened his arms around Warren. "Sure."

Warren had been happy then, and he would give anything to have that back.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

His fingertips traced up and down Devin's arm, up along the line of a finger and down to his elbow and back again. He looked up and out for a moment, then back down, tucking his head back against Devin's shoulder.

"This..." he said, thinking out loud after a moment. "Right here. Other things aside, this feels..." he swallowed. Hoped Devin had some idea of what it cost to say it. He wondered if even he knew.

"Right. This is right."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled, just a little and wrapped his arms around Warren tightly. He kissed his temple and snuggled down into the covers.

"Yeah...it really does."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren wriggled a little, working one arm around Devin's waist and keeping the other stroking along his forearm. Clinging, by now, was what it really was.

"I'm sorry..." he murmured after a moment. Tired, and dejected. "I shouldn't have done that. Not now."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"Don't..." Fingers to lips and not in anything sensual. Just to stop the words. "Please. I...I don't want to forget it. It was...perfect. And later..." He shrugged a little, looking down. "There might not be a later. Not for that." Because of her. "Just let it be what it was?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren heard what he was saying but was kind of stuck on,

"... perfect?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin flushed a little, but smiled shyly.

"Yeah."