The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"Room service?" He turned his head to nuzzle at Warren's fingertips.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Definitely." Tracing fingertips over his lips, sighing softly, finally relaxing a bit.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin nipped at his fingers, and shifted, but just enough to snag the menu off the nightstand.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren snuggled against him, looking it over. "Ooh. Burgers. And fries. Lots of fries."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"I should've known," Devin said with a grin. He snagged the phone and placed their order, being clear about the extra fries.

When he'd hung up, he smiled at Warren. "Shower while they're cooking?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Sure..." Warren grinned back.

But first, he pulled Devin close again and kissed him thoroughly.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin sighed into his mouth, kissing him back with a tiny whimper.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Hands pressed to his back, lightly stroking along his spine. He kissed him deep, lingering, sighing with the emotional exhaustion and the relief that things were better again.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin returned the kiss with something akin to gratitude, sliding his arms around Warren tightly.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren held the kiss until he had to come up for air, and then he kissed him again, sighing.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin's palms traced up Warren's back, pressing closer to him, smiling against his lips.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled back, just holding him close, staying close, winding one leg around his.

So much for a shower.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

But Devin liked showers and nipped at his lip before wriggling away and tugging him in the bathroom's direction.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren pouted playfully, but followed willingly enough. Showers were as good a place to make out as any.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin got the water on, then tugged Warren in, pulling him back close to kiss him again.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Mmm..." Warren sighed happily as he slid an arm around Devin's waist, stepping into him. "You're amazing..."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin chuckled. "So're you."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren reached up, slipped his fingers through Devin's hair.

"You think we'll kick ass on tour?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure of it," Devin murmured.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren grinned at that, kissing him deep and pressing up against him with sudden heat.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin moaned a bit into his mouth, clutching on to him tightly.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

His fingers curled around his neck, the kiss turning a little bit fierce, hips starting to rock into him.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin's moan was sharper and he clutched at Warren's hips with tight fingers.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

He wasn't even all that aroused. Just, he wanted to hear it. To feel it, to feel the fire inside them pushing at their skin, needing to get out.

He nipped at Devin's lip, rocking into him, hands sliding over his back. Sighing heavily, lustily.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin was so relieved that Warren was all right that he couldn't help sighing back, pressing back. He pushed him closer into the wall, hands drifting over him, sliding through the water over slick skin.