New York (LoW prompt: Bubble)

[killingsoftly]

The first couple of days had been like in a dream of pure joy. He still had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't actually dreaming, that it all was real. That more than just the fact that Warren was with him, that Warren loved him. That he ... even in his head he stumbled over the word, but he managed it...loved Warren.

There was fear there, too. Always fear, of what he could do. Of what he'd done before. That Warren would wake up one day and realize just who and what he was in bed with. That Warren didn't know the worst of it. The lives he'd taken knowingly. Purposefully.

That the full knowledge of him would burst the bubble of happiness they were floating in.

He pulled on his leather pants and shrugged into his silk shirt. Earring in, just one, shirt half unbuttoned. He added a touch of eyeliner, something to draw eyes to his. Nothing too elaborate. Nothing like what he'd paraded around in the years of Glam. But a touch. He was tousling his hair, adding in gel when his cell rang.

He glanced at the number and sighed. He almost didn't answer, but he finally did. He wondered how she'd known he was in town.

"Brenda."

"Devin, darling," her voice was always so chipper and yet refined. "You naughty boy, you didn't call and tell me you were in town."

He continued to fuss with his hair. "No, I didn't."

"I thought that was our arrangement."

"It's not? I call when I need work, luv, but currently I'm doing just fine." He wasn't, really, but his investments would hold. He'd saved well. He could afford to not have to work for her for a while.

"Devin..." She sounded like she was chiding him. "Kathryn saw your poster. She'd like to see you after the show."

"Not possible." He slapped on the aftershave a little too vehemently.

"And why not?"

"I have plans." He swallowed, closing his eyes as he prepared to cut the ties. "Rather permanent ones."

There was a long pause on the other end. "You're quitting?"

He took a deep breath. "Yeah. I am."

"You can't do that. You're my most successful..."

"Everyone quits at some point, Brenda. You did."

"You're at your peak!"

"I'm done." For now.

"Devin...you've always said..."

"I know." He leaned against the counter.

"You're the best."

He sighed, closing his eyes. "Yeah. I know." It was his particular gift. "I'm still done, at least for now, okay?"

Another long pause and then a sigh. "She must be something."

He smiled a little. "He is."

She chuckled at that. "Kathryn will still be there tonight."

"I'll deal with her."

"She's a very important client."

"I'll deal with her nicely."

"If you ever..."

"Yeah, I know. I'll call."

She sighed one more time and then he heard the click. He set the phone aside, closing his eyes again and rubbing his temples.

He'd need to book more gigs, for the energy and the money. Cut new CDs and push them. Maybe actually put up a website with ordering. Something to bring money in to keep them going. And he'd have to make these phone calls in most major cities in America.

It wasn't going to be easy, but he just...he didn't know what Warren would say. Didn't want to find out, if it disappointed him. Didn't...He wanted them to stay as happy as they were. Whatever it took. He'd just have to pull more from the audience. Take from them what he couldn't get elsewhere. He could make it work. He gave a resolute nod, and reached to work on messing his hair up just a bit more.

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

The hurt nearly broke him, because he was trying not to hurt him, or disappoint him, or...something.

"It's not that..." Devin took a breath to ease the shaking, and lifted his chin. He wasn't ashamed. Terrified of Warren's reaction, but not ashamed.

"Sometimes there aren't enough gigs to pay for the times in between. Or sometimes there aren't any gigs at all. No gigs. No audience. No money. No energy. So I use my other talents to get what I need to survive. There are plenty of very rich women and men who are willing to pay very well for my company and my skills. Were willing. Kathryn, as I said at the club, was one of my regulars."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren took a second to process that through, staring at Devin.

It was a perfectly rational, even reasonable solution. There were needs, and there were skills, and there were economics lessons in the back of his mind going on about equitable trade and supply and demand.

That didn't make it any more comprehensible. "You were..." He shut his mouth. Devin had probably heard all the words before, anyway. "Oh."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin flinched at the note in his voice, perceived or not, then stared back unapologetically, though the wariness was back full-force in his eyes.

"Yes."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

He wasn't sure what to think about that. How to feel. Anyone else... but it was Devin. And Devin had peculiar needs. Was special. Special and not-special, since most of the people he'd grown up with were special.

"Huh."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin wanted to curl up on himself. In on himself. Wrap his arms around his knees and tell the world to fuck itself. But that would be a sign of weakness and doubt and shame, and he wasn't going to do that either. His voice was perfectly calm. Too calm really, given the fight or flight flashing in his eyes.

"The phone call earlier was asking if I was available this week. I told her I wasn't available any weeks. That I'd met someone and wasn't going to be pursuing that line of work. Kathryn apparently didn't believe that answer, and thought she'd try in person."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I'm guessing from the slap sound I heard across at the bar, she didn't like what she heard."

His tone was more wry than anything else, reaching out to play with Devin's fingers a little, not quite slipping his hand into Devin's, preferring the lighter, moving touch.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"I told you. She's not used to hearing no unless its from her own lips."

He turned his palm up, but that was all. He was still too nervous, too terrified, to reach out.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Hmph." His fingers curled tightly around Devin's, possessive. A little residual anger.

"I bet she'd listen to a 'no' if it came from me."

It wasn't the reflection from the electric light flickering in his eyes, either.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

The anger in his voice just made Devin want to curl up more.

"I think she got the point," Devin said almost too quietly.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren still wanted to burn her apartment down. Townhouse. Whatever she had.

He sighed, looked down at their shoes.

"So..."

He wasn't sure what to say.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin wasn't either, especially with Warren looking away, sounding so upset.

He blinked once or twice, but bit down on the urge to apologize. He hadn't done anything wrong.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren sighed, leaned into Devin a bit, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Is..." He wanted to ask if that was where he'd picked up the drug habit. He sat up suddenly.

"Maybe we... I don't think I want to talk about this right now." But he looked over at Devin, in case he did.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

The leaning in helped a bit, but then he didn't want to talk about it after pushing him to tell him.

"All right..." He slid his arms around himself.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Crap. "Dev..." Warren slid his arms around him.

"Dev, I'm sorry..."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin was tense, muscles trembling a little as he tried to hold himself together.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"We were having a good night..." he murmured, sliding his fingers through Devin's hair, kissing his temple. "And now I've gone and messed it up."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin shook his head. "You didn't. I did..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"No you didn't." Softly. "You didn't want to tell me, I should have left it alone. I should know better by now."

Slight smile at that. He was kind of the same way.

"Pushing never helps."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"It's not good to keep secrets," Devin said, almost by rote.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren tugged him back against the pillows, fingers curling through his hair.

"Depends on the secret," he said, trying to settle. "Dev..."

"I'm not going anywhere." He fished around for the words that usually made it all better, what he knew of Devin so far, what Devin might be worrying about. "I'm not mad. I'm not... disgusted. It's just a lot to think about. That's all."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin curled into him almost tentatively, resting his head on his shoulder.

The words were reassuring, but his stomach still felt all tied in knots. "It wasn't..." He shrugged. "It's more honest than what I spin for the groupies, at least. There may be a veneer of falsity, but in the end, everyone knows what they're getting. No one walks away with fantasies of falling in love."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"No one who hasn't seen Pretty Woman too many times," he teased gently. Then wondered if it was the right time for teasing.

"I don't know. I just... I don't know anything about it." There was a moment of thought, then he hugged him tight. "Okay, I don't know if this makes it any better but, on a scale of disturbing things you've done, from one to ten? This rates about a four, and finding you stretched out on the bed high as a kite rates about a nine. And we worked that out, right?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

He tried to crack a smile at the joke, but he was still trembling a little.

He listened though, and finally nodded slightly. There was the slightest flash of defiance in his eyes, though. "I'm not ashamed of it, and I won't apologize. It's something I'm good at and they got what they wanted, and I got what I needed from them."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I'm not saying you should, Dev..." His fingertips stroked over his shoulder. "I'm saying it's a lot to think about. There's probably a lot of things you've been and done that are like that. You're... what, hundred some odd years old? You've probably done a lot of things that'll make me think."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin closed his eyes, and he shivered again, almost violently, because there were things he rather thought should never come out, ever.