The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

It wasn't, really, but he was too drained to not fall into it, pulling more from him, drinking deeper than he normally did until even he wasn't sure where one of them ended and the other began. His hips jerked with each thrust, each touch, moving with Warren and begging him to go harder, faster and push them both.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren moaned. Might have made a soft little cry, fingers curling around his cock and stroking in time with his thrusts that suddenly went ragged, and faster. Need was piling up on need and as much as he'd wanted to spin this out, push it farther, he simply wasn't going to be able to. Sweat poured down his chest, he moaned over Devin's back. So close.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

He tried to stop the spiral down into Warren, merging them more closely, but in the end all he could do ride the wave and forget about staying afloat. He was shivering, but because of nothing but pleasure. His pleasure. Warren's pleasure. Wanting more and more and pulling them both with him.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

His world was drowning in it, falling into a pulse and a desperate need and his fingers curled tight in the blankets. Something surfaced, Devin's name falling from his lips, some sleepy awareness of what was going on and a sex-colored sense of delight at the unity and then the pleasure consumed him as he shuddered, clutched at Devin's hip, head thrown back and crying out as he came.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

He shouldn't have been able to come again so quickly, but Warren's climax threw him up against the metaphorical wall and he came with a cry, shuddering under the force of both of them and drinking it down, pulling it into himself even as he tried to force it back out and into Warren.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Weariness struck a second after his climax left him shuddering and wet. He leaned back, pulled out and back, dropping back on his haunches and almost falling backwards, eyes rolling a bit in his head.

"Whoa..." he murmured.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin was still floating, shaking a bit with the force of it and trying to make his head work again. Warren's collapse caught him enough that he shifted, reaching for him, scared and unable to gauge how much he'd taken until he could think more clearly.

"Warren!"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

One hand on Devin's shoulder, one leaning back on the bed to steady himself. God, he was so tired. And he ached. He'd never ached like this before. It almost made him giggle just to think.

"Holy ..." Took a breath. Mmm. Tired. "Hey. 'm okay."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin brushed fingers over his face, trying to find the link, trying to send him some little bit of himself.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren sank back onto the bed, deciding that pillows and comforters and a soft mattress was just about right, for now.

"Hey..." He covered Devin's hand lightly with his. "'s okay..."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

He did the best he could to sense how Warren was. He seemed to be okay, mostly. Pulse steady. Breathing steady. He shivered a bit, curling up next to him, snagging the covers and hoping he hadn't done too much damage.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren snuggled into him as best he could when all of his limbs seemed to be weighed down by exhaustion. The sex hadn't been that energetic had...

And then he remembered, and it worked its way through the weariness but by that time it was too late to murmur much more than his name before his eyes closed and sleep dragged him under.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin bit his lip, worry in his eyes, nearly panic. But still, he was breathing, and he wasn't pale. He still had his ruddy color in his cheeks. Devin breathed a sigh of relief, curling up next to him and wrapping his arms around him tight.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren slept. Dreamed, strange dreams, full of sex and touching and the spicy-sweet smell of Devin all wrapped up around him. Jagged edges of fear and red lightning slicing through it. He didn't know what was going on, just that something was wrong and he had to sooth it away with kisses and touches and a warm fire between his fingers. Make the cold go away.

He could do that. Was good at it. He wrapped Devin's hands around his and lit the fire off the center of his palms, closing his hands a little so that it didn't burn his beloved, just kept them warm. And there was the beginnings of smiles as the cold receeded, as they huddled together in the darkness. And the sun was slowly coming up, anyway.

Except that wasn't the sun. That was the hotel room lights, and his lashes fluttered as he struggled to open his eyes, two hours later. Everything was warm and drifty. And heavy. His body felt so heavy.

"Mmph?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Sound was good. Very good. He hadn't moved much. Gone to the bathroom. Gotten some water for himself, for Warren if--when he woke. Then he'd just watched.

He sighed in relief at the small noise, hugging Warren tight, impulsive.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren managed to move one arm to snug around his waist, hugging him weakly. Waking up was taking longer than it usually did.

With consciousness came awareness of what had happened. "Hey..." he whispered. "How long was I out?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"Couple of hours..." Devin's voice cracked a bit, trembling against him.

"I'm sorry..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Hey..." He managed to move a little more, nuzzling at his cheek.

"Hey. It's okay. I'm okay."

And slowly regaining strength, too. Regaining awareness, consciousness. It wasn't bad. Just like coming out of an exhausted sleep.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin clung to him. "I didn't mean to..." He'd just been so hungry.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"It's okay." He nuzzled at his cheek, turning to kiss him softly. "I don't mind."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin looked at him, very confused. "You don't?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"No..." He smiled slightly. "What..."

No. No no, he didn't want to phrase it like that. Oh, god, no.

"What you do, it doesn't bother me. You take a little, I sleep for a couple hours. It's okay."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"I just...didn't mean....That's not what I meant to do..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I figured." Warren kissed him again. "It's okay."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin curled against him, kissing back, but looking miserable.