The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren laughed, and did take the lead. And he might have been putting a little extra swagger in his step, just for Devin.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Which Devin appreciated greatly, humming a little under his breath for the first time in a while.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren was bouncing by the time they reached the bikes, very much so.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin chuckled and strolled more this time, happy to watch him.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren slid on the bike, pulled on the helmet. Helped pack stuff on the bike and tried to remember which way. Wasn't that hard.

He was still almost bouncing with glee.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin brushed fingers over his shoulder before pulling on his own helmet, swinging onto his bike and starting it up.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled as they pulled out into the street, as they were on their way.

It was going to be a good evening.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin followed behind him, humming under his breath.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

It wasn't that far to the hotel. Or at least, not as far as he'd expected, and he didn't get them lost.

He was trying to suppress the giddy grin when they walked up, assume a more rock-star expression.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin chuckled a little and slung an arm around his waist, settling into his rolling gait fairly easily.

"We'd like a room."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren's fingertips slipped back and forth along his waist, playing at the hem of his shirt. Possibly he was aiming for skin, but he was taking the long way to get there.

The check-in girl blinked a bit at them, uncertain whether to be shocked for the sake of the public or admiring. Because, wow.

"Uh.." she stammered for a second, then went about her business. "Right. How many nights?"

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin's smile was a cross between a smirk and a teasing grin.

"Just the one."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

She blushed. Warren smiled, fingertips trailing along Devin's spine. All the implications of what they were going to do in that smile.

She stuttered her way through the rest of it. Warren had to prompt her to run their card-keys.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin gave her another devastating smile, then tugged Warren away from the desk and toward the elevators.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren did something like an eyeroll back at her, grinning, as he went where he was tugged.

"Work, work, work..."

Effort, maybe, but not work. He punched the button for their floor and turned to put his back up against the wall and pull Devin against him.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin was more than happy to press there, leaning in to nuzzle at his jaw, fingers trailing up and down his sides.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren sighed a little as his arm slid tight around his waist. Both relief in the physical sense and in the emotional, it was good to feel Devin up against him this way, wanting.

One hand tangled up in his hair, holding tight.

And the elevator dinged.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin held there for a long moment anyway, lips teasing along the line of his jaw, tongue tracing. Only when it seemed that the elevator might close did he back up, fingers still curled into Warren's belt loop, tugging.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled softly against his skin, nuzzling as Devin teased, breathless. He followed where Devin led, hands smoothing over his hips.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin slipped them around a couple in the hallway who stared a bit, then backed into their door, tugging Warren against him.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren chuckled into his mouth, nipping at his lower lip as he pressed against Devin, walked him back towards the bed.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin sighed into his mouth, arms around his neck, fingers in his hair. He tumbled back onto the bed, pulling Warren down insistently.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren grinned before kissing him deep, pressing gently down into him, one hand next to his head and the other sliding down, caressing his cheek.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin actually whimpered, arching up into him, fingers tight in his hair, stroking through it, then down his cheek. Back to his hair with another whimper and a nip at his lower lip.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled, the tip of his tongue teasing over his lips. He softened a little bit, easing up but still stretched out against him. There was a little wonder in the way he looked at him, trailing fingertips down his throat and over his chest.