The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin wasn't really shy, but he was wanting to do things they'd be arrested for doing in daylight in a public place. So he purred a little and kissed him lightly again.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled against his mouth, caught his face gently in his hand and kissed him deeper, a little more lingering, before letting him loose again.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled, flushed with happiness as he curled into him a little, head on his shoulder.

"We should get one with room service."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Definitely." Warren smiled, cuddling him close, fingers sliding through his hair and over his cheek.

Meeting post up! Warren may be thinking of awkwardly attempting to at least half-seduce Byron, or convince him he can keep up.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin grinned, arms around him tight.

"And whiskey?"

ooc: Saw! Rep'd! Off to meeting now!

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"And whiskey." Warren grinned back.

Trailed his fingertips down his arm, kissed his forehead. "We can play rock-star dress up again."

ooc: 'kay! *snugs*

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin grinned a little. "It'll get us back in practice..." They had been acting more like kids around Alma than rock stars, after all.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren grinned back. "That's true. Tour's coming up fast."

And as much as he was nervous about the whole thing, he was more just plain excited.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled, curling into him. "Really fast. Are you ready?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"I don't know? Willing, anyway, and able." Warren smiled, hugged him. "Nervous. Bout as ready as I'm going to be, I guess."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"It'll be fine. Fun. What we've been doing, just with sights to see and stuff during the day."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled. Hugged him. "Okay."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin hugged him back tight. "We're going to have fun."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." Warren kissed his forehead. "We are."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin gave him an almost sly look. "Hotel room?"

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren grinned. "Hotel room." Except Devin would have to get up before he did.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: gonna have Devin go, then Byron in other thread.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

ooc: 'kay. I have no idea why Warren did that. I'm not even sure he knows why. Except that he can't light up in a bar.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: which is a good point. Will be slow. have to get bill done.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

ooc: Okies. Will work on typing up notes and smacking my web page into shape.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: *sighs* I need to find my Dreamweaver or I'll never get it into shape. I have no idea how to.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

ooc: It might be a free download somewhere. And if you can find it I know where there are ..um. Helpers.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: There's a free trial, but I'm not sure how functional it is. I bought it, so I should have the installation CD somewhere. It's just a matter of finding it. My music and computer CDs are all jumbled.

Helpers?

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

ooc: Cracks and keygens, but I wasn't going to say it on LJ. *g* I guess it's not like people watch this stuff though.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: Ahh. lol. Of course. I'm just all "pout, growl, I paid nearly $300 for this software, where the fuck is it, pout, growl"