The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled back, nipping gently at his lower lip.

"Wanna get a hotel room tonight?" he murmured. "Hang out, be decadent, get some alcohol."

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin looked up at him, flushing, pleased at that.

"Like in New York? Yeah...I'd like that."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Me too." Warren smiled back, kissed the tip of his nose.

Then kissed him again.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin wrinkled his nose a bit, smiling and leaned back into the kiss with a sigh.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren's fingers slid through his hair again, cupping his cheek and stroking lightly over skin. Again, keeping the kiss soft and light and feeling all full of wonder.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

The feeling helped even more than the touch, pulling it from him and basking in it, letting it reassure him about labels and words and the lack of meaning.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

His fingers slid down his neck, down over his chest, palm coming to rest over his heart as Devin's had on him, earlier. Devin's lips on his.

The symmetry of it made him think, for a brief flash, of things to be considered down the line. Promises that could be made. Words and moments and his breath caught on a sudden surge of emotion, love and joy and hope so sharp it could cut and bring tears.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin let the emotion wend its way through him, smiling a little against his lips. Hope was good, even if he didn't know what had caused it. His fingers curled in the material of Warren's shirt, a gentle touch still, pressing close.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren pressed back gently against him, kissing breathlessly for a moment, deeper, harder. Then leaning back a moment to smile shyly back, something almost like delighted laughter tripping out of his mouth before he kissed him again.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled back at him, happy and content. He returned the kiss, just as breathless, trembling a little against him..

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren's fingers slid through his hair again for a moment before his hand moved back down to his chest.

Impish and somewhat reckless, he deepened the kiss just a bit as his hand slid down over his chest, to the hem of his shirt, pushing it up slightly, pushing his hand over his chest, over skin.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin gasped into his mouth at the touch of skin to skin, even so innocently. He slid his fingers along Warren's waist, touching lightly.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren sighed a little and didn't press the kiss any deeper, but scratched his nails lightly down Devin's chest.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin whimpered at that, wriggling a little..

"Warren..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Mmm?"

Maybe he pressed the kiss a little deeper. Not much.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin broke it a bit to smile. "Maybe we should get that hotel room..."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren grinned back, happy, carefree again.

"Probably right."

But damned if this didn't feel good.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin wasn't really shy, but he was wanting to do things they'd be arrested for doing in daylight in a public place. So he purred a little and kissed him lightly again.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled against his mouth, caught his face gently in his hand and kissed him deeper, a little more lingering, before letting him loose again.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled, flushed with happiness as he curled into him a little, head on his shoulder.

"We should get one with room service."

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Definitely." Warren smiled, cuddling him close, fingers sliding through his hair and over his cheek.

Meeting post up! Warren may be thinking of awkwardly attempting to at least half-seduce Byron, or convince him he can keep up.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin grinned, arms around him tight.

"And whiskey?"

ooc: Saw! Rep'd! Off to meeting now!

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"And whiskey." Warren grinned back.

Trailed his fingertips down his arm, kissed his forehead. "We can play rock-star dress up again."

ooc: 'kay! *snugs*

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin grinned a little. "It'll get us back in practice..." They had been acting more like kids around Alma than rock stars, after all.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

ooc: gonna have Devin go, then Byron in other thread.