The conversation had to happen sooner or later...

[killingsoftly]

Warren: Not! Gay!
Devin: *pouts*
Warren: I'm not! *wraps his arms around Devin's waist, though* I just happen to have a boyfriend.
Devin: You don't have to sound so horrified.
Warren: I'm not! Just insistent.
Devin: *doesn't comment* It's not a bad thing to be gay.
Warren: *seriously* No, it's not. Or whichever.
Devin: *still frowning*
Warren: *sighs, strokes fingers through his hair* I'm sorry, babe. I'm just.. getting tired of getting teased.
Devin: Why does it bother you if you're not...bothered by being with me?
Warren: Because half the time.. okay, when She teases she's just being silly, but half the time when .. they're teasing, they're not being nice.
Devin: *glares in their general direction* But why does it bother you? They wouldn't tease you if they didn't know they could get a rise, so...*shifting from glaring to a little lost* Why does it bother you enough that they can get that rise?
Warren: *shrugs slightly, holds him a little closer* I don't know. Something about the way they say it. Like ... they have some kind of... I don't know. *wry* Like they're trolling, and I'm the meat.
Devin: That doesn't have anything...*shrugs, pulls away a little*
Warren: *flash of outright fear, quickly suppressed* *shakes his head* You're . it's stupid. They're stupid, you're right.
Devin: *another little shrug*
Warren: *slides his hand down to curl his fingers lightly around Devin's*
Devin: *small frown, but doesn't pull away*
Warren: *expression slowly retreating back into the blank/sullen high school expression, lowering his head a bit*
Devin: I just....one day you'll....you'll get tired of the teasing, or you'll decide.....*shrugs*
Warren: Dev....
Devin: If you hate the idea of being associated with a group that likes to sleep with their own gender so very much....
Devin: What can you think of me?
Warren: *bites back something mean* It's not the idea, it's the tone .. it's.. *shakes his head angrily, fingers of his other hand flexing a bit* It's being reduced to a fucking stereotype, Dev. And then being looked at like he's going to fucking eat me.
Devin: He looks at everyone that way. He...*flinches back from the thought of him too much, flash of something in his eyes* It doesn't...I've never liked labels. I don't like stereotypes. People are people and what does it matter? But you get so angry....
Devin: Like you're ashamed you want to be with me.
Warren: This is me, Dev. This is what I am. I'm an angry guy. It has nothing to do with being ashamed. You... *small, tired smile* You haven't seen a lot of that. 'cause you make things better. But it's still me. Remember the cafeteria thing? Nearly roasting Will?
Devin: *nods* It just...what you're angry about....seems tied to the fact that you enjoy what we do...and that...*shrugs, wishing he hadn't said anything at all*
Warren: *shakes his head slightly, isn't sure what to say though, and has this sick panicky feeling that this is... something. the beginning of the end* *and maybe clings a littel tighter to Devin's hand because of it*
Devin: *pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his free arm around it tight*
Warren: Dev... *runs his free hand through his hair, still at a loss, still angry and scared*
Devin: *quietly* It's okay.
Warren: No it's not. You don't look okay.
Devin: I'm just being stupid...
Warren: No you're not... *sighs, scoots over next to him a bit* You're ... You're scared. .. So am I.
Devin: Why?
Warren: It's.. *tries to articulate, still half the time stuck in the whole teenage-macho-don't talk about feelings thing. also because he's Warren*
Warren: ... I can't help being.. what I am. How I feel, how... and maybe that's not enough. Maybe you'll get sick of the uncertainty.
Devin: *stares at him, slightly shocked*
Warren: *suddenly very, very afraid* ... what?
Devin: I'm ... you think I'd go? *almost laughing* god, I'm the most....No. I'm not....I'll stay as long as you want me, until you decide...*shrugs again, laugh turning to something closer to tears*
Warren: Dev... *scared, worried, not all that angry anymore* Dev, I'm... I've. I don't care. Gay, straight. Whatever. Bi. I don't care. *dry/bitter/self-hating* You have to live outside yourself to care about things like that in other people, and I don't. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a pretty selfish person. I don't... it doesn't bother me. That's not what bothers me. Nothing bothers me about you, about this.. not lik ethat.
Warren: And yeah. Sometimes... you know? Sometimes .. it's not like you have the ... the surety of knowing. Sometimes. I just.. I wonder.
Devin: Wonder what? *almost terrified*
Warren: *quietly, looking down, tired* Why you put up with this. With... someone who, obviously, you think could leave you any day now for some pretty girl. *back to bitter and self-hating* The uncertainty, it's gotta kill.
Warren: I mean... *sudden explosion* Why do you even put up with me?
Devin: *quietly* Because I love you.
Warren: *very small smile*
Warren: I love you, too.
Devin: I'd rather be with you, for as long as I have you than not
Warren: *small nod, lightly squeezing his hand* I'm not goign anywhere, Dev.
Devin: *squeezes back, tight and clinging*
Warren: *pulls him into his arms after a second, clinging right back*
Devin: *holds on, shaking a little*
Warren: I'm sorry, babe... I'm soso sorry. *kind of scared, almost crying, holding on tight*
Devin: *holds on to him tight, shaking* You don't need to....
Warren: *actually does start to cry, a couple hot tears* I’m sorry. I shouldn'ta said those stupid things.
Devin: *is crying a little, too, clinging to him* I shouldn't....I just get so scared you'll....that you don't really want.....me...
Warren: No.... *insistant, rocking them both a bit* No no no no... no. No. It's not like that. It's never been like that. *small smile* I'd've been happy figuring out I liked guys better than girls too. That's just.. not the way it turned out.
Devin: *tiniest flinch, but nods*
Warren: *snuffle-giggle* Believe me. I spent like two weeks checking out guys just to see... nothing. It's just you, babe. There's something special about you.
Devin: *wry, half sob* Why can't I just...*shakes his head*
Warren: Why can't you just...?

It hurt more than a little as he struggled to find the words he meant to say. "Why can't I just be happy? I have you, and if...if I'm not...or if you're not...you're still here, at least for now, and..." He swallowed back the tears, or tried to. "It just gets...like I should be smug. I should be all, 'oh, he's not gay, but for me he's willing to overlook that.' Only all I can think about when I let myself think about it, is what that means when the right girl comes along."

Comments

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin snuggled back into him some more.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren smiled against his neck, nuzzling a bit, before taking another sip of coffee.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin nibbbled more onn his cookie, letting the soft sounnds of the park wash over him, calming him down.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren brushed his fingers through his hair, over his shoulder, keeping quiet and just listening, the birds, the wind, Devin's breathing.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

He should hum or something. The music always helped. But he couldn't seem to find the tune.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

His fingertips trailed through his hair and down his cheek.

And then, because he could (and because he might have been getting a little desperate for something to happen) he started humming one of Devin's songs.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin stiffened for just one moment, then relaxed, listening.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Humming slid into singing, albeit softly. Devin's voice was different, not markedly so, and he could hit all the notes. It still sounded.. something. He made use as best he could of his slightly lower, more whiskey voice.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin shivered a little, leaning into him with a sigh, fingers tracing up and down his arm.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren shifted a bit, just enough to snuggle him down a bit more, arm tightening around him. He sang to the end, then slipped into something more pop.

Sting, he decided with a small smile. If I Ever Lose My Faith In You.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled at that, curling into him, head on his shoulder.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren kissed the top of his head and took a break between songs to nuzzle a bit.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled softly, nuzzling back at his jaw.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

"Love you," he whispered, smiling. Turned, stretching a bit, to kiss the corner of his mouth.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

"Love you, too," Devin said softly. He shifted enough to lift his head, lips brushing over Warren's.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren shifted a bit to meet him, kissing him softly, palm sliding over his cheek and cupping his face gently in his hand.

Just for now, just this, he kept the kiss light and thought about how sometimes (although he might never admit it except in poetry or song) he thought he could taste the wild and the spring on Devin's lips.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin smiled against his lips, tracing fingers over his jawline, finally starting to relax.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren's fingers trailed through his hair and down the back of his neck, smiling back before kissing him again and just a little bit deeper, a little bit more intense this time. His fingertips moved gently at his waist. The smallest little caresses to urge him on in this. Sitting on a park bench, in their beautiful sanctuary, together. Enjoying their togetherness.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin sighed a little into his mouth, lips parting to taste him, cookies and coffee and Warren underneath. He wound his fingers through Warren's hair, stroking it through the tips..

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren teased him slow, the tip of his tongue sliding between his lips to trail along the insde of his cheek before retreating back to his own mouth. Kept the kiss soft, his arms gentle but firm around him. Every move was intended and designed to linger as long as possible.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin whimpered, just a touch, very, very softly. He brushed fingers through his hair again slowly, twining the strands gently, then releasing them, then twining again. This was good. this was what was worth living for.. This was what mattered.

And Warren wasn't leaving..

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

He traced the upper edge of Devin's hair, down over the curve of his ear, over cheek and down his neck. If he pulled back from the kiss it was only for a moment to take a breath and kiss him again. His palm rested flat and warm on his cheek again, gentle and solid.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

The solidity was more comforting, perhaps, than it should have been. A testament to the lack of it for far too long. Devin leaned into him with a soft sigh, tracing fingers down the column of his throat, down lower to rest over his heartbeat, feeling it solid under his fingers.

[firebugwarren.livejournal.com]

Warren could feel his pulse race just a bit faster with that touch. Smiled for a moment against his lips out of pure delight. His fingers traced down the line of his jaw, again and again and then up through his hair. Just holding him, just kissing him.

Making out on a park bench had never been so simply thrilling.

[killingsoftly.livejournal.com]

Devin snuggled an arm around him tight, shifting so he could press close, fingers tracing over his shirt with a soft smile back into the kiss. He was relaxing, tension easing out of him as he tasted, teased, just enjoying the moments were lips met and fingers brushed against each other.